Lard Malfunction
Creator Eden (
Debut TBA
Type Superhuman
Alignment Chaotic Neutral
Attitude Retarded, Clumsy
Fighting style Melee
Abilities Climbing

Gliding Sandvich-Sense

Weaknesses Sandvich-Sense can sometimes lead him into trouble

Vulnerable while climbing or cartwheeling

Status Hunting Sandviches
Occupation Sandvich Hunter
Enemies Ass 400,000
Lard Malfunction is a RED scout freak created by Steam user Eden. He is a scout that roams the Badlands and hunts for Sandviches, which are it's main source of nutrition; however it also eats bacon. He wears Flight of the Monarch, Flunkyware, and Hanger-On Hood. He has a BLU nemesis who happens to be his twin, Ass 400,000. Whenever someone calls for him, he suddenly appears on top of a nearby building and then jumps off and does twelve cartwheels, yelling "LARD MALFUNCTION!" once done.


Lard Malfunction can stick to surfaces like a fly, and using his super-smell, can locate Sandvich (and ultimately, Sandvich carriers). He has weak eyesight, but makes up for it with his super-hearing. He also carries a Golden Pan, which he uses to scam people into giving him Sandviches. He uses only melee weapons or fights unarmed. He is also proficient in several martial arts, and has much more strength as compared to most Scouts. However, his health is less than a normal Scout. He has the ability to glide, which is useful for getting places quickly.


Lard Malfunction is usually pretty friendly with everyone, especially to anyone who gives him a Sandvich. However, if refused, he can become quite aggressive. Once he sees someone as an ally, he will assist them whenever required. If someone does betray him, he will go into an enraged state until he believes he has made them suffer enough.

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